Confidence? What confidence?

I realized today that I used to be a very unconfident person.

To be completely honest, I still am quite self-conscious in the face of other people, especially when I want to make a good first impression on someone. A lot of the times I’ll end up subconsciously putting myself down because I don’t want to seem like I’m conceited, and I’ve come to see that somehow doing that is just as bad as being narcissistic.

It scares me a little bit that being positive about yourself can be considered negative.

Confidence is the way that people carry themselves throughout life. I believe it is something that everyone has to build up for themselves- nothing will have as much effect as accepting yourself and learning to love you for exactly who you are. Even though compliments are definitely very nice to receive, they will only really have effect if the person receiving them believes them. For example, anyone could simply wave off a compliment as someone over-exaggerating, or that they’re being “too nice”. This could simply be them being humble, but it could also be them not thinking that it’s true in the first place.

I’ve met a lot of people like this, people who don’t like to think that they’re what other people see them as (in the good way, that is!). I’m not denying the fact that I tend to be on this side of the scale, as I don’t see myself in the same light that other people say they see me in, but I am acknowledging it. I’ve never really learned to accept compliments before, so maybe I should start trying. I don’t want to be braggy, but I do know that I have at least some strengths in some places… and I think that I should try to stop putting myself down as much as I (sadly) currently do. Everyone is wonderful and unique and special and talented in their own ways (no matter how cheesy and cliché that sentence is, it’s true!), and I think that it’s a fact that needs to be wider known.

So to wrap up this little non-sequential thought-ramble-blurb-thing, I’d just like to say one thing: I love my life. I love everything about it. I love my family, my friends, and all the privileges I have been fortunate enough to get over the years. And I guess I could also say that I’m starting to love myself- it seems like once everything around me has started to finally set into place and make at least a little bit of sense, I’m starting to like who I am more and more… and that is what I call the beginning of confidence.

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