It does not feel like Christmas.

As I type this, it does not feel like Christmas.

It may be fifty degrees outside, but the sun is glaring down onto the pavement.

The house may be smelling of pine trees and vanilla, but that’s only thanks to the candles that my sister has been obsessed with lighting lately- not the cookies we used to bake every year.

There may have been presents under the tree waiting to be unwrapped, but I don’t feel like I used to in elementary and middle school when it comes down to opening them. It used to be about getting to what was inside those folds of paper; now it’s more like I don’t want to see because seeing would mean that yet another Christmas has come and will pass. 

I wouldn’t say that I’m “growing out of” Christmas, necessarily, because I still do love the holiday season in general. Every year, we decorate the tree as a family, putting up those silly-looking yet wonderful sentimental ornaments that represent interests over the years- Pinkie Pie, Harry Potter reaching for the snitch, Jack Frost, a black labrador, a violin. Every year, we put out the tall red candles surrounded by a wreath of fake, glittering poinsettia flowers and hang up our at-least-ten-year-old stockings with those well-loved stocking holders on the mantlepiece. Every year, we scramble after the dog as he tries to chew the ornaments on the tree; he’s always had a fascination with that styrofoam lion, for some reason.

I don’t think I will ever grow out of Christmas because it’s things like spending time with family, eating incredible food, and squabbling over tiny details like who gets what stocking that mark the holiday season for me.

I just think that at this point, time feels like it’s going by so fast that I’m not able to appreciate the fact that it is Christmas and that whatever happens, everything will work out.

You may remember that a while back, I mentioned that I was going to be traveling to India again. I was on my way to going, but just a couple weeks prior to my departure, the heavy flooding in Chennai struck. For safety reasons (I would have been traveling alone), we decided that I would stay home over break. That particular adventure isn’t happening this year, but in the end it’s alright because I can have other adventures here. My thoughts go out to everyone currently enduring the floods, and I am hoping that things will turn around for the better soon enough.

Right around the corner lies 2016, and the new year for me signifies one more year of change and one year less to change with. I’ll be sixteen soon- the age I always made to be filled with magic and inspiration and adventure. The Cheesy Movie Year, if you will. But more on that later.

Today doesn’t feel like Christmas because I’m constantly feeling like I’m running out of time; time to experiment, time to grow, time to relax and take my time with discovering who I want to be.

But I think the best thing I can do for now is accept and embrace that and just enjoy the rest of my winter break.

Happy holidays, everyone.

Advertisements

5 comments

  1. Pingback: interesting + eventful are mild words to describe it | Wordy & Nerdy
  2. awildroryappeared

    I forgot you weren’t sixteen yet wtf
    Well, not sure if this makes you feel better or worse, but sixteen was a bipolar year for me, to say the least. Don’t set your expectations for an entire year, because a lot happens in a year. A LOT.

    Like

  3. Meghna

    I love this, Arya! I feel the same way and lately, it’s just been seeming like kindergarten and elementary school was such an easy, wonderful time…

    Like

Talk to me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s