the rooftop.

To me, rooftops have always been intangible places of reflection.

I would read so many stories where the main characters would climb out the window of their room onto the half-dome shaped tiles, laying back and watching the stars up above as they let their mind run free. Equally as wonderful would be when there was company, making it multiple trains of thought instead of just one. 

My house doesn’t permit me to climb onto the roof, so my thinking spaces at home have become my room, my desk, the couch in the living room that’s been there for as long as I can remember.

But the roof presented itself to me soon after we arrived in the villa in Spain, and I was able to live out the strange little fantasy I’ve always had in my head of being able to gaze at an unobstructed view of the night sky.

On this particular trip, I was never up there alone. There was always at least one of my cousins with me, and some of the best conversations happened as we shivered at the biting wind or toasted in the unwavering sun.

people we knew, people we wished we knew, things we wanted to do, things we did to get where we are, cameras and shutters and shackles, confusion, the partial desire to drop everything and become the captain of a shrimp boat, the word “trolling,” Indiana, New York, Zürich, DC, Denver, Mumbai, San Francisco.

A month ago, I was so sure that I wanted to stay in California for college. My mind was set on this wonderful state, convinced that I would most likely end up in the southern region specifically.

But after that roof, after all the conversations I had up there… I really don’t have any idea anymore. I’m definitely going to be applying broadly in-state since I still adore so many of the California schools, but I now feel more complied to look at out-of-state schools as well. I think my biggest fear is that the absolute perfect school for me could be out there somewhere and the only reason I may not end up there is because I was dead-set on staying in California. Even within California, I know I need to make sure to look past just the public schools that I’m so partial towards right now.

The roof evokes doubt, because I also started to doubt what I really want as a major; I love science but part of me also wants to drop everything and go become a writer or animator or something like that. It seems like as I grow closer to my deadlines of decision, I’m just getting more and more confused with what I actually want.

But for now, I thank The Rooftop In Spain, because it let me feel like a character in one of my stories.

And in moments like that, I know that things will be okay.

Sometimes I forget how much I absolutely adore Yellowcard, but as soon as I hear one chord I’m hooked all over again.



  1. Pingback: trust. | Wordy & Nerdy
  2. awildroryappeared

    There are majors and minors, my friend, and boundless opportunities beyond that. I hope you look for the rooftop feeling in more places.

    Liked by 1 person

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