I’ve written a lot of posts over the years about how the posts I write today may very well be terrible in the distant (or near) future simply because of individual growth over time. Lately, I’ve been grappling with the decision to leave my old writing up on this website, available for any and all eyes—do I really like that my current reflections about science, media, and more are filed next to school recaps, novel excerpts, and terrible first-draft short stories from when I was thirteen?Continue reading
Some reflections on lessons learned so far from my ongoing internship and other summer involvements.
When I got the acceptance email, it took me until the first day of the internship to believe that it was true. Fast forward one week, and my disbelief-turned-acceptance had morphed into a pit in my stomach that left me feeling flustered, anxious, and frustrated at myself.
After landing a spot in a program I’d had my eye on since high school, after already hearing my mentors express their excitement to have me around for the summer, after active participation in discussions about science, I still felt like an outsider. It wasn’t a new feeling; throughout my undergraduate experiences, I’ve been fighting the voices in my head that tell me I don’t belong in many of the spaces I spend my time.Continue reading
This month has me questioning whether I like sharing stories because I like sharing stories, or I like sharing stories because I like to like sharing stories. (There are a lot of “likes” in that sentence, but the extra one holds importance– much like how when my cognitive science professor talks about intersubjectivity, he describes it as “I know that you know that I know you know,” with that last bit being imperative to defining the mutually-understood shared understanding.) Cogsci lectures aside, the time commitments I’ve sustained this quarter have definitely put me under some pressure in considering whether I make choices based on obligation or passion. Continue reading
A short note to make sure I don’t already break the goal of semi-regular writing in the first month of the year.
I told myself I would write at least one blog post every month, so here we are. I tried writing something on my actual birthday as I was sitting in my parked car at the beach, breakfast burrito in hand, but let me tell you– it’s a little difficult to type while one hand is occupied holding approximately a pound of eggs, potatoes, and cheese. Continue reading
I recently had my sixth grade computer’s contents transferred to an external hard drive and went down a rabbit hole of thoughts from my younger self that didn’t quite make it to this blog. It definitely helped me remember what brought me to where I am now; for every blog post also existed multiple sketches, half-finished song files, and pages of short stories that I drafted just for the sake of drafting. Continue reading
I bask in the silence of my freshly packed-up, on-campus apartment as I crunch through a $1 bag of purple grapes. I’m sitting on the floor, leaning against the closet my roommate and I shared. The closet is completely empty now, an odd sight considering the volcanoes of clothing and empty shopping bags she and I both hid behind the cream-colored double-doors.
I was the first to settle into our room back at the start of this year. Among a spontaneity-embedded weekend of taking the train between San Diego and LA, I started sorting my belongings into new homes: a haphazardly-made bed, empty hangers waiting for clothes, books on desk shelves closely following. My new roommate hadn’t moved in yet. As I sit here now, my lovely roommate has just finished moving out (big shoutout, she’s the best), my books are safely stowed away, and my bed remains half-intact for the final night of this school year. Continue reading
Back in November, the week of Thanksgiving break (actually, the night before Thanksgiving day), I found myself stranded at 12:35am with fifty other people and steady rain in a parking lot in downtown Los Angeles. Usually, I fly back to the Bay Area from my school in San Diego– if I book my tickets sufficiently in advance, the costs are worth the visit back home; however, this time, I didn’t book my flight tickets early enough. Seat availability plummeted, prices skyrocketed, and I decided that taking the budget-friendly bus would be a good alternative.
I didn’t sleep more than an hour that night. We ended up left in that parking lot for reasons I’m to this day unsure of– the bus driver had stopped, told us all to vacate the bus because we were supposed to transfer, and promptly drove off as soon as the last person had removed their bag from the under-bus storage. Needless to say, there was no transfer.
We were in that parking lot for about an hour and a half until the company sent a replacement bus to pick us up. I tried to doze off again on this bus, but the frigid air blowing through the vents kept my mind active even though my body was craving rest. We made it to San Francisco by seven thirty in the morning, and I reached my home by eight. Continue reading